last few weeks
First day of summer term got me like 😞 (the only emoticon i know how to put in there)
Firstly because during the Easter holidays First day: boy comes down with Scarlett Fever. we did have a lovely Easter weekend in Wales. My chest felt not to bad (always improves in Wales) Came home Easter Sunday to go to Chessington on Monday. Daughter pukes and is ill all day Monday. I start to feel rough, by Friday have full blown chest infection, and then all day Sunday the boy pukes and pukes. So most of the holidays sucked, and the boy is home with me today when he had set himself a 100% attendance target for this term so is very sad (though thankfully no longer puking after puking for 18 hours pretty much non stop). and his sister is cross that i have to cancel his 2nd dental apt in a row. (they definitely don't believe me) yet she still has to go. Gave her guilt money for a bacon roll from breakfast club though so she didn't to do to bad out of it.
Secondly I loved summer term when I worked in a School, GCSE time was stressful but it could also be really great as you watch those kids walk in to the exam scared but ten times more ready than you could have ever imagined they would be. The relief as the ends in sight, leavers assembly, prom excitement and the excitement of the other years as the summer grew closer, sports day, the more I think of it the more the list grows. (Though I don't mind living without sweaty teens who have some sort of problem with deodorant or who think the smell of lynx and impulse covers the sweaty BO smell). I really do miss my work more than ever. Its been a year since I officially accepted being told I would be unable to go back anytime soon and about 18 months since I last did my job. Its genuinely been a bit of a grieving process. I talk about it a lot on here so you have probably guessed I was a bit attached.
So yeah huge strops. Having a chest infection means I still haven't started the medical trial 5 months in. I need to see my Portsmouth team I think because 4 weeks stable is impossible. I have to use my Neb a lot more and my heart rate is always over 100, (there must be a point when it gets worn out??) and i am really no closer to being any better than last year. It gets you kind of mopey.
So I'm laying on my bed wheezy and moping listening out to ensure the boy doesn't drown in his bath he apparently needed in the middle of the day (i am just jealous i didn't think of having one) and I read a random blog as I often do I find blog reading kind of addictive. I started because I was looking for asthma blogs however now I read any Ive read ones from people with certain illnesses, ones from mothers and fathers, ones from people with jobs, who live in other countries, the list is endless. Anyway as I was reading this blog and it gave me a different perspective of an issue I am guilty of not really understanding I always feel for people but I don't know if I appreciated how it can make someone feel.Which is often how I feel about my chest and other people.
And I thought to myself actually those cheesy memes saying "you never know what someone else is going through" are kind of true. Its awful i feel this but i get jealous, of healthy people, of successful people, people who have reached their goals.. however Someone whose super successful in their career, has a great social life and can run 10 miles might be aching for a husband who is there for them no matter what, like mine (he is kind of annoying but he never fails to be there for me when it counts). Or someone who gets to have amazing adventures with their husband, owns a beautiful house and is absolutely stunning might ache to and even spend thousands to have insanely stressful but wonderful days with children littering their lives with mess, sticky hand prints and full blown rows about eating broccoli, yet cant. I have always known we all have our own battles and I do always empathise but today it kind of hit me, we are allowed to be mad we are dealt this hand, we are allowed to cry and shout and scream sometimes and we can even absolutely wallow in our grief and don't feel bad that you have done. the feeling is there is demanding to be felt. However after that we need to look around and appreciate all those things we do have and wallow in your happiness. Because however much you look at that persons instgram post and wish you could know how it felt to have that, someone else is looking at yours and thinking "if only..."
So I decided to end the post with a list of 5 positives from the last 2 weeks celebrating how lucky I am to boost me out of my gloom;
1) My daughter has not led me to believe she needs an exorcism due her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour even though we haven't been able to do a lot for the most part shes been polite, helpful and a joy to be around. sure there's been some attitude but actual apologies after. This is unheard of but such a pleasant change to just enjoy being with her.
2) Even though its been Easter I got my stone and a half award and could wear a jumper that used to be too tight.
3) The husband and I decided we both definitely want to move to the country in the future. mainly for chest reasons as it always improves when we go to Wales. Also I think now we are older we want to try a different way of life. hopefully we can be closer to the ocean also. However we have kids and their schooling to focus on first so we have to work out when it would be the right decision for all of us.
4) The boy suddenly started teaching himself songs on his guitar. His confidence has soared and after 2 years of lessons its a relief that he has found his groove.
5) 2 more assignments and exams and the my Modules for this uni year are done!! hopefully I pass so I can move on in October. Im so excited for my next 2 modules. also means all being well I only have 4 modules left Until I get a degree.
its genuinely worked and I didn't even get annoyed when I found out the husbands car failed the MOT just now. Wait till the money starts coming out my account. then maybe the Zen feeling will stop flowing.
Firstly because during the Easter holidays First day: boy comes down with Scarlett Fever. we did have a lovely Easter weekend in Wales. My chest felt not to bad (always improves in Wales) Came home Easter Sunday to go to Chessington on Monday. Daughter pukes and is ill all day Monday. I start to feel rough, by Friday have full blown chest infection, and then all day Sunday the boy pukes and pukes. So most of the holidays sucked, and the boy is home with me today when he had set himself a 100% attendance target for this term so is very sad (though thankfully no longer puking after puking for 18 hours pretty much non stop). and his sister is cross that i have to cancel his 2nd dental apt in a row. (they definitely don't believe me) yet she still has to go. Gave her guilt money for a bacon roll from breakfast club though so she didn't to do to bad out of it.
Secondly I loved summer term when I worked in a School, GCSE time was stressful but it could also be really great as you watch those kids walk in to the exam scared but ten times more ready than you could have ever imagined they would be. The relief as the ends in sight, leavers assembly, prom excitement and the excitement of the other years as the summer grew closer, sports day, the more I think of it the more the list grows. (Though I don't mind living without sweaty teens who have some sort of problem with deodorant or who think the smell of lynx and impulse covers the sweaty BO smell). I really do miss my work more than ever. Its been a year since I officially accepted being told I would be unable to go back anytime soon and about 18 months since I last did my job. Its genuinely been a bit of a grieving process. I talk about it a lot on here so you have probably guessed I was a bit attached.
So yeah huge strops. Having a chest infection means I still haven't started the medical trial 5 months in. I need to see my Portsmouth team I think because 4 weeks stable is impossible. I have to use my Neb a lot more and my heart rate is always over 100, (there must be a point when it gets worn out??) and i am really no closer to being any better than last year. It gets you kind of mopey.
So I'm laying on my bed wheezy and moping listening out to ensure the boy doesn't drown in his bath he apparently needed in the middle of the day (i am just jealous i didn't think of having one) and I read a random blog as I often do I find blog reading kind of addictive. I started because I was looking for asthma blogs however now I read any Ive read ones from people with certain illnesses, ones from mothers and fathers, ones from people with jobs, who live in other countries, the list is endless. Anyway as I was reading this blog and it gave me a different perspective of an issue I am guilty of not really understanding I always feel for people but I don't know if I appreciated how it can make someone feel.Which is often how I feel about my chest and other people.
And I thought to myself actually those cheesy memes saying "you never know what someone else is going through" are kind of true. Its awful i feel this but i get jealous, of healthy people, of successful people, people who have reached their goals.. however Someone whose super successful in their career, has a great social life and can run 10 miles might be aching for a husband who is there for them no matter what, like mine (he is kind of annoying but he never fails to be there for me when it counts). Or someone who gets to have amazing adventures with their husband, owns a beautiful house and is absolutely stunning might ache to and even spend thousands to have insanely stressful but wonderful days with children littering their lives with mess, sticky hand prints and full blown rows about eating broccoli, yet cant. I have always known we all have our own battles and I do always empathise but today it kind of hit me, we are allowed to be mad we are dealt this hand, we are allowed to cry and shout and scream sometimes and we can even absolutely wallow in our grief and don't feel bad that you have done. the feeling is there is demanding to be felt. However after that we need to look around and appreciate all those things we do have and wallow in your happiness. Because however much you look at that persons instgram post and wish you could know how it felt to have that, someone else is looking at yours and thinking "if only..."
So I decided to end the post with a list of 5 positives from the last 2 weeks celebrating how lucky I am to boost me out of my gloom;
1) My daughter has not led me to believe she needs an exorcism due her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour even though we haven't been able to do a lot for the most part shes been polite, helpful and a joy to be around. sure there's been some attitude but actual apologies after. This is unheard of but such a pleasant change to just enjoy being with her.
2) Even though its been Easter I got my stone and a half award and could wear a jumper that used to be too tight.
3) The husband and I decided we both definitely want to move to the country in the future. mainly for chest reasons as it always improves when we go to Wales. Also I think now we are older we want to try a different way of life. hopefully we can be closer to the ocean also. However we have kids and their schooling to focus on first so we have to work out when it would be the right decision for all of us.
4) The boy suddenly started teaching himself songs on his guitar. His confidence has soared and after 2 years of lessons its a relief that he has found his groove.
5) 2 more assignments and exams and the my Modules for this uni year are done!! hopefully I pass so I can move on in October. Im so excited for my next 2 modules. also means all being well I only have 4 modules left Until I get a degree.
its genuinely worked and I didn't even get annoyed when I found out the husbands car failed the MOT just now. Wait till the money starts coming out my account. then maybe the Zen feeling will stop flowing.
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