How does it feel?

I'm often asked 'how does it feel to have an asthma attack?'And it's a question I struggle to answer because It can differ greatly.
I've had attacks where I feel like my chest is in a vice and it's really feels like my lungs might burst.and the muscles in my chest hurt so bad I want to cry with every breath.  However my chest is silent there is no wheeze. I think these are the scariest ones not only because it really hurts but because if people (including Drs) can't hear the wheeze they can underestimate how badly you are struggling or even claim it's an anxiety attack.. Even I sometimes have thought oh I'm not wheezing maybe it's ok. However I feel bad really quickly with that type and now I'm quite well known in a&e and they know to do a blood gas (where they put a needle down into the artery in the wrist. It feels pretty gross)  to check my co2 levels because sometimes my o2 levels can look ok on the machine and mislead the Drs, but actually they aren't so good.
I have had attacks where I am wheezing so loudly. A physio once said she could hear me in resus while she was 4 rooms away. This tends to get attention quickly so that's good, but again the o2 saturation levels mislead. This type hurts less. However it's often loud because there is a lot of mucus in my lungs and makes me feel how I imagine it feels to drown. I will also cough a hacking kind of cough a lot but not cough anything up. It's fairly frustrating. These 2 attacks tend to hit me quite quickly and tend to be the type that involves ambulances, resus and many needles. (My veins tend to disappear and also are quite tough because they have had so many needles in them. So needles are not the most fun bit of the process)
Attacks are draining. I tend to find I'm not all that scared when I'm having an attack during it I'm a bit disorientated anyway and don't really get at the time how much danger I am in. but also I'm solidly concentrating on sitting up straight and breathing as calmly as possible. If I get dizzy or feel like I may pass out then I can get quite panicky so I find I need to zone out of my situation. I assume it's mainly my survival instinct that kicks in. Breathing is so much harder when you panic so I think my brain or body or something knows not to let me. The pain in my ribs and shoulder blades can be quite intense through all these types of attacks and my stomach muscles will be painful as well. The only other time I panic is if I listen to what medicines they have tried and I'm not feeling any better or the Drs call icu to come and assess me. But if we have hit this point I am usually really tired so I don't have it in me to react to it. I will often try and see the time and tell myself in 30 minutes from that time I'm going to look back and think oh yay I feel better. I'm big believer in positive thinking
It's when it all calmed down and my levels are better and I'm less out of it that I usually think "holy c**p that was a bit scary'. I'm often beyond tired there is not words to really describe it but the medications send my heart rate up into the 150s or so and I feel kind of wired. So I can't sleep for a few days after, especially if I'm in hospital. I'm always so desperate to get home as well so that combined with exhaustion means I get so emotional. It's quite embarrassing funnily enough I can usually hold it together in front of my family and friends but a dr or nurse I don't know asks me if I'm ok and i will often just cry all over them.
It's usually 2 or 3 weeks after a big attack for me to start feeling like I'm actually a human being. Until then my bones feel like the ache I'm cold and hot and then cold again and my muscles hurt. I will find it hard to concentrate or really think straight (many an assignment has been written from my sick bed and then when I re read it before submission I realise it sounds insane. Like a monkey just hit keys.)
The types I have that are small and can handle usually at home and seeing my gp will just kind of creep up from being a bit out of breath to just not quite being able to do a lot without being breathless. These ones drag on as well and I've learnt it takes patience and to listen to my body to ensure they don't quickly escalate. I will often need to up my medication doses (which I can do at home but I have to see my gp as soon as I can after doing so) they are usually still pretty noisy. And means I have to be able to use my nebuliser every 4 hours. It's quite embarrassing sounding so disgusting and people thinking your contagious and kind of stepping away from you or that you are  so obese you can't walk with out getting out of breath so besides the fact just doing basic things is exhausting anyway so I can't get out much but also I need to be near old Ned the neb anyway so I end up being a bit of a hermit. These aren't really attacks as such (I don't really think of them as one anyway) they are more just big flare ups. But they are still scary. I always feel like just one journey up the stairs away from a hospital admission.

So that's a summary of how it feels. I hope it kind of helps you understand if you have no experience. Or maybe if you do it helps you not feel alone. Feel free to comment your own experiences. The More  people are told how different people feel the more it will hopefully be realised there is no set way asthma attacks happen.

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