Eat. Sleep. Wheeze. Repeat

Life gets in the way  Doesn't it just? So I haven't blogged for a while, mainly because summer has been a whirlwind, so I've either been busy or unable to coherently write a sentence due to being a bit zombie like.  So I had my mepolizumab, I can't recall exactly where I left with it on here but it was delayed by a week so I had my first one on the 20th July (so remembered as it's the girls birthday which meant she was very resentful of me and my thunder stealing 😆 )  By the end of that day I felt, I don't know just a bit of a mess. Then the day after I felt fairly fluey, however the day after that was the kids show with their stageschool which requires me to run back and forth a fair bit. Man alive did I feel like a piece of poop. And I really didn't think I would feel that bad so it blindsided me a bit. I sat in my car after dropping them off one of the times and just cried. It sounds dramatic but I didn't feel like I even had the energy to t...

It may have been apparent to some/all that attempt to read this that i have no idea how to use this gosh darn site. and sometimes I post from my phone sometimes from my laptop (never the ap because it randomly closes on me). Anyway I just realised the colour theme I chose you couldnt always read my posts rather destroys the point of a blog :-D hopefully its fixed now! xx

I've probably said most of this before, but I just wanted to share what I wrote on an asthma forum today :-)  I saw my asthma psychiatrist yesterday. I completely love her (not in the crazy creepy patient falls in love with their dr kind of way just in that she's so lovely and good at her job) .  When I first started going to the respiratory dept at queen Alexandra in Portsmouth and they said I had to see her as a holistic approach to managing my asthma (Now i suspect they actually thought She would establish I wasn't taking my medication but tests and showing of side effects proved I was I just metabolise medication very quickly. Shame I can't metabolise fat in such a way hey) I was like "that will be one apt no way am I the type to sit and spill out my problems plus it's not bad enough that I need help"  How wrong I was. I had high levels of anxiety and I was genuinely grieving the loss of my job and life as I knew it. I worried constantly about...

I start mepolizumab on July 13th. I'm kinda excited, kinda nervous. I really hope this is the first step to getting some of my life back. Or at least to getting the devil that is steroids. I've got a bit over excited and started job hunting to see what's about. Probably a bit premature but I am hopefully that by new year it will be happening or close to happening. Even if it's just starts at a few hours a week and builds up. I don't care. I just need to be reliable and prove I am reliable. Anyway like I said that's getting a head of myself. I'm just grateful I get a chance to try

I hope everyone used their chance to vote. Today's was a tricky one for me. I realised how vulnerable I feel.  I rely on the NHS and I rely on it being free. I receive ESA currently whilst I'm not allowed to work. I rely on student loans to fund me studying for when I am allowed back to work. My children are both in the education system. Yup I am a giant drain on the system (not intentionally I promise) The thought of having to pay for my medical treatment, whilst I see why that might be seen as a good solution to some of the countries problems, leaves my blood run cold. It doesn't take a genius to figure out I'm not exactly rolling in it right now. Will it be that I genuinely might not be able to afford to keep myself alive? Or I will but my husband and I will be in even more debt than we are now. Will our children have to miss out more than they already do so mum can breathe? I've had to avoid picking up my prescriptions for a couple of days before because I ...

So much has happened since my last update.  I had been getting progressively worse breathing wise so on the 11th of may I went to my gps , I knew what they were going to say but you never know I might have been lucky. He didn't even check me over he just rung my local hospital and sent me straight there, however the plus side to this was avoiding a&e and going straight to AAU.  After the general poking and prodding they whisked me into a bay whacked in a cannula and bleeped the respiratory team who came down actually quite fast, and it was decided I was metabolising my tablet medication to quickly so it was ineffective.  I was told only to walk to the toilet no where else (like I had the energy) and I was started on iv steroids and Iv aminophyline. Iv aminophyline is a 24 hour drip so I knew I was in for a couple of days.  I was to tired to be that bothered to be completely honest. I always get sad as i hate leaving the munchkins but I knew I needed to be th...

As the title of this blog suggests; May is mental health awareness month. To be honest you'd have to be blind not to notice. It's everywhere, which is brilliant, for way to long now it's been something that isn't understood and as happens so often when we don't understand things, it's made fun of, not seen as 'real' or brushed under the carpet. So I have to see a psychologist at the moment, she's part of the Portsmouth resp team. Genuinely, and I am ashamed to admit this, when I first got the apt through for it I was like "what the hell! I'm not crazy". I went to that appointment doubtful she would get much out of me worth working with. I had just seen the dietician before that apt and my daughter was playing "how long can I act like a spoilt entitled brat before mum loses her crap". So I was less in the mood to be analysed for no reason than I can even describe. I'm fairly British sometimes and not ever to comfortable...