Eat. Sleep. Wheeze. Repeat

I start mepolizumab on July 13th. I'm kinda excited, kinda nervous. I really hope this is the first step to getting some of my life back. Or at least to getting the devil that is steroids. I've got a bit over excited and started job hunting to see what's about. Probably a bit premature but I am hopefully that by new year it will be happening or close to happening. Even if it's just starts at a few hours a week and builds up. I don't care. I just need to be reliable and prove I am reliable. Anyway like I said that's getting a head of myself. I'm just grateful I get a chance to try

I hope everyone used their chance to vote. Today's was a tricky one for me. I realised how vulnerable I feel.  I rely on the NHS and I rely on it being free. I receive ESA currently whilst I'm not allowed to work. I rely on student loans to fund me studying for when I am allowed back to work. My children are both in the education system. Yup I am a giant drain on the system (not intentionally I promise) The thought of having to pay for my medical treatment, whilst I see why that might be seen as a good solution to some of the countries problems, leaves my blood run cold. It doesn't take a genius to figure out I'm not exactly rolling in it right now. Will it be that I genuinely might not be able to afford to keep myself alive? Or I will but my husband and I will be in even more debt than we are now. Will our children have to miss out more than they already do so mum can breathe? I've had to avoid picking up my prescriptions for a couple of days before because I ...

So much has happened since my last update.  I had been getting progressively worse breathing wise so on the 11th of may I went to my gps , I knew what they were going to say but you never know I might have been lucky. He didn't even check me over he just rung my local hospital and sent me straight there, however the plus side to this was avoiding a&e and going straight to AAU.  After the general poking and prodding they whisked me into a bay whacked in a cannula and bleeped the respiratory team who came down actually quite fast, and it was decided I was metabolising my tablet medication to quickly so it was ineffective.  I was told only to walk to the toilet no where else (like I had the energy) and I was started on iv steroids and Iv aminophyline. Iv aminophyline is a 24 hour drip so I knew I was in for a couple of days.  I was to tired to be that bothered to be completely honest. I always get sad as i hate leaving the munchkins but I knew I needed to be th...

As the title of this blog suggests; May is mental health awareness month. To be honest you'd have to be blind not to notice. It's everywhere, which is brilliant, for way to long now it's been something that isn't understood and as happens so often when we don't understand things, it's made fun of, not seen as 'real' or brushed under the carpet. So I have to see a psychologist at the moment, she's part of the Portsmouth resp team. Genuinely, and I am ashamed to admit this, when I first got the apt through for it I was like "what the hell! I'm not crazy". I went to that appointment doubtful she would get much out of me worth working with. I had just seen the dietician before that apt and my daughter was playing "how long can I act like a spoilt entitled brat before mum loses her crap". So I was less in the mood to be analysed for no reason than I can even describe. I'm fairly British sometimes and not ever to comfortable...

I'm often asked 'how does it feel to have an asthma attack?'And it's a question I struggle to answer because It can differ greatly. I've had attacks where I feel like my chest is in a vice and it's really feels like my lungs might burst.and the muscles in my chest hurt so bad I want to cry with every breath.  However my chest is silent there is no wheeze. I think these are the scariest ones not only because it really hurts but because if people (including Drs) can't hear the wheeze they can underestimate how badly you are struggling or even claim it's an anxiety attack.. Even I sometimes have thought oh I'm not wheezing maybe it's ok. However I feel bad really quickly with that type and now I'm quite well known in a&e and they know to do a blood gas (where they put a needle down into the artery in the wrist. It feels pretty gross)  to check my co2 levels because sometimes my o2 levels can look ok on the machine and mislead the Drs, but a...

First day of summer term got me like 😞 (the only emoticon i know how to put in there) Firstly because during the Easter holidays First day: boy comes down with Scarlett Fever. we did have a lovely Easter weekend in Wales. My chest felt not to bad (always improves in Wales)  Came home Easter Sunday to go to Chessington on Monday. Daughter pukes and is ill all day Monday. I start to feel rough, by Friday have full blown chest infection, and then all day Sunday the boy pukes and pukes. So most of the holidays sucked, and the boy is home with me today when he had set himself a 100% attendance target for this term so is very sad (though thankfully no longer puking after puking for 18 hours pretty much non stop). and his sister is cross that i have to cancel his 2nd dental apt in a row. (they definitely don't believe me) yet she still has to go. Gave her guilt money for a bacon roll from breakfast club though so she didn't to do to bad out of it. Secondly I loved summer term whe...

Do you ever have days where you think "omg if you weren't my kid I would think you are such a jerk and try to avoid speaking to you?" Hopefully I'm not a complete bitchfacefromhell because that's how a child who shall remain nameless made me feel today. Kid doesn't get I'm on a heck of a a lot of steroids you push me I will either completely ignore you or blow up at you. I usually avoid shouting as much as I can but you can't be perfect all the time. It's days like this that can lead me into a downward spiral in my head, always leading to me blaming myself for why they have been the way they are. I'm probably not perfectly innocent but my negative thought spirals don't really get me anywhere so I'm venting in a post. Parenting babies was so easy compared to parenting kids as they get older. For a start you know they will remember everything. I guess as a parent you never really know if you are doing it right until it's too late. ...